Drawing by unknown artist (circa 1969), colored by Bob Kronlage
In 1835 The New York Sun was a fledgling newspaper with few subscribers -- that is, until August of that year, when the paper published news of a potentially staggering scientific discovery. The story was credited to the prestigious Edinburgh Journal of Science (The National Geographic of their day.) It stated that Sir John Herschel (The Stephen Hawking of their day) had invented an incredible, high powered telescope (it was the Hubble of their day). The British astronomer was now able to view the surface of the moon in astonishing detail. Journalist Richard Adam Locke filled the story with incomprehensibly elaborate technical jargon and complex diagrams to impress the paper’s readership with the obvious “intelligence” (and thus, integrity) of the author.
The next day, in his second installment of the story, Locke reported that Herschel had discovered that the surface of the moon was similar to an earthly tropical paradise. Herschel had witnessed blue ocean, white sand with palm trees, and tropical forests. Most intriguingly, he also saw pyramids built of amethysts – an undeniable sign of intelligent life on the moon! News spread like wildfire and enthralled readers couldn’t wait to read of Herschel’s new discoveries. They weren’t disappointed.
Article three related the discovery of animal life on the moon, including; bison, unicorns, amphibious creatures unlike anything on earth, moose, goats, cranes, pelicans and reindeer. Beavers on the moon are exactly like those on earth, with the amazing exceptions that extraterrestrial beavers walk on their hind legs, carry their babies in their arms in the manner of humans, and they live in huts built on stilts. Smoke could be seen curling up from holes in the roofs, indicating that moon beavers had discovered how to control fire as a heating tool. These astonishing revelations became the talk of New York
Yet, to even the most gullible reader, the construction of pyramids seemed beyond the ability of even the most advanced extraterrestrial beaver. Surely there must have been an even more advanced lunar life form responsible.
The fourth and final installment of the series solved that mystery, with Herschel’s most spectacular discovery of all – bat men on the moon! Herschel witnessed three parties of Vespertilio homo (bat-men) numbering nine, twelve, and fifteen in a group. They stood approximately four feet tall, with membranous wings stretching from their shoulders down to their ankles. These wings were retractable to the point of not being visible. Their faces were yellow, their facial features, “an improvement on that of an earth orangutan”. The hair on their head was a darker color and arranged in two spit curls, one over each half of the forehead. The rest of their body was covered in shiny, copper colored fur. Due to strange atmospheric conditions, their feet were not easily observable. The bat-men were never witnessed working, but appeared to be fruit gatherers. The only obvious signs of their industriousness were their pyramids, which were supported on pillars estimated to be 70 feet tall and six feet square.
Reports on the moon and its fantastic inhabitants unavoidably ended when, alas, Herschel absent – mindedly left his telescope aimed at the sun and the lens melted.
Sun readership rocketed to 15,000 on the day of the first report. By the time the series ended, the paper’s circulation was 19,360, making it the most popular newspaper in the world. Of course, The Edinburgh Journal of Science hadn’t originally published these discoveries. Sir John Herschel had not discovered any of these discoveries, and he didn’t have the telescope to do it. The New York Sun had established a huge, devoted audience by reporting total lies. (They were the Fox News of their day.)
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