SHE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT! ...well, I got better...

Please click on the cartoons to see them better. If you don't want to, I've tried to quote them below. 

Newt says,"I don't know who to blame, dear, the elite liberal media, or you own lying eyes!"

Obese Little Lord Fontleroy type skips along with small backpack labeled "Capital gains tax", his pantaloons label him "The Rich". Tiny kid behind is weighed down with huge backpack marked :"Payroll taxes", "Propety tax", "Sales tax", "Gas tax". Republican big shots say, "You're the freeloading 48% who don't pay ANY federal income TAXES!", "Aren't you a lucky ducky!" "You forgot your book!" ("The Greedy Head" by Ayn Rand), and "Don't let them collective bargain - lovin' teachers teach ya nothin!"  

OK, I know on January 1st I said the media should all try to be nice this year. Well, I stayed nice for 28 days, which is longer than anyone else held out! 

SATAN WAS A LESBIAN! -- Sleazeball "Literature" Pt 1

ADVISORY: If you are offended by the content of this blog -- don’t complain – I’m offended by it too.

SATAN’S DAUGHTER by Jan Hudson (1961)

“Desperately, passionately in love with Randy, Jerry thought he had found happiness – until he ran headlong into a leather – jacketed band of cruel, lusting wanton, twisted he-women… one of whom wanted Randy even more than he!”

SATAN WAS A LESBIAN by Fred Haley (1966)

BODY OR SOUL by Royal Peters (1948)

“An amazing novel of a woman’s surrender to an unnatural lover”

CELL – BLOCK SEX by Toni Wray (1967)

EVE’S APPLE by Ronald Simpson (1961)

“Lamson U. gave Hobie an education, but Eve made a man of him”

ABNORMALS ANONYMOUS by Stella Gray (1964)

“Never had so desperate a group of humans bonded together … ABNORMALS ANONYMOUS”

HALF CASTE by John B. Thompson (1959)

“Danger waited – but so did a young, yellow girl, a sensuous blonde and a bewitching half – caste, in the end his chills all turned to thrills…!”

“A cloak an dagger yarn replete with high adventure and sizzling sex, don’t miss it! – Orrie Hitt”

RECKLESS VIRGIN by Glen Watkins (1949)

“A reckless young woman caught up in a web of passion!”

(I guess I’m naïve – had someone asked me, the best cover blurb I could have come up with for this title would be “Don’t let her drive your car.”)

FORBIDDEN FRUIT by Curtis Lucas (1958)

“She was white – he was not!”

“A compelling novel of a boy and a girl in love – facing the great question of racial integration.”

PRISONER OF EVIL by Don King (1965)

“Fifteen year old Julie, sentenced to a girls reformatory, trapped in an institution that brims over with tortures, whippings, and degrading sex acts, the jailed teenager is subjected to every sexual perversion imaginable!”

KOZMO CONQUERS THE WORLD!

Since it debuted in April, www.kozmoofthecosmos.com home of the comic strip Kozmo of the Cosmos, has been viewed by fans in The U.S., Spain, Russian Federation, Argentina, Germany, Egypt, The Czech Republic, Great Britain, Canada, Columbia, Thailand, China, Puerto Rico, The Netherlands, Italy, Bosnia – Herzegovina, Sri – Lanka, Portugal, Peru, Israel, The Philippines, Poland, India, Malaysia, Hong Kong and The Ukraine.
Don't be the last person in the world to see it!

NRBQ Fun with Tom Ardolino

NRBQ's TOM ARDOLINO Rest in Peace.

          I was saddened today to learn that one of my favorite musicians, Tom Ardolino passed away January 6^th. Tom was the drummer for my favorite rock ‘n’ roll band NRBQ (they tie with The Beatles as my favorite.)

          Tom’s drumming had a real snap to it – one critic called it “A happy thwack”. He often drummed with four drumsticks at once – two taped together in each hand. One of the regular highlights of their shows was when NRBQ would play a ferocious rave-up (playing harder and faster, harder and faster, harder and faster) whipping their audience into a frenzy akin to that of a roller coaster ride – their power became almost tangible –  and it was probably Tom who generated the most energy.

           It wasn’t just about being loud and wild, though. With Tom, and all the other NRBQ members, it was first and foremost about excellent musicianship and musical creativity. The first time I saw them play live, they played Sun – Ras’ “Rocket #9”. The other band members would play the song’s ten note melody, then Tom would play a two measure drum fill. They probably did this over and over ten times, each time, Tom quickly contributing a different improvised drum fill. What a great way to show off your drummer without having to stoop to a lengthy drum solo.

           In each live show, Tom would be coaxed from his drummer’s stool to sing a lead vocal. His repertoire included, “There’s A Kind of Hush”, “1,2,3”, “Oh Babe, What Would You Say” and dozens more. On one occasion, he and band mate Terry Adams got out their look – alike ventriloquist dummies and performed a duet on “Mellow Yellow”. The double CD of live rarities, “Froggy’s Favorites” includes Tom singing “Ue O Muite Aruku” – a song in Japanese! I once saw a live NRBQ video in which Terry played drums and Tom played a perfect rendition of “Sleepwalk” on steel guitar!

           When he was 17, he home recorded an amazing 49 song experimental album called “Unknown Brain”. (I’m listening to it as I type this.) On it, he played drums, guitar and clavinet, plus “other cheap instruments”. The thing is astonishing, considering its primitive recording conditions, and Ardolino’s insistence he didn’t know how to play any of the instruments other than the drums.

           I once saw him do an entire show wearing a lampshade on his head.

           According to the New York Times;

Tom Ardolino Dies at 56; Drummer for NRBQ for Three Decades

By PETER KEEPNEWS

Published: January 13, 2012

Tom Ardolino, a self-taught drummer who for 30 years provided the impassioned but steady pulse for NRBQ, one of the longest-lasting and most beloved rock groups never to have a Top 40 single, died on Jan. 6 in Springfield, Mass. He was 56.

His death was confirmed by an NRBQ spokeswoman. She did not specify a cause, but Mr. Ardolino had been in poor health for some time.

NRBQ (the initials stand for New Rhythm and Blues Quartet, although it was a quintet early in its existence) was known and critically praised for its freewheeling, genre-bending approach, which could embrace rockabilly one minute and avant-garde jazz the next.

The energy and eccentric humor of its live shows also helped it acquire a following that, while not huge by rock standards, was star-studded: among its fans are Paul McCartney, Elvis Costello and Bonnie Raitt. From 1974 until the band went on hiatus in 2004, Mr. Ardolino’s unorthodox, loose-limbed style, a mix of driving power and subtle musicality, was a key part of its appeal.

Born in Springfield on Jan. 12, 1955, Mr. Ardolino was a fan of NRBQ before he became a member at 19, five years after the group had released its first album. He replaced Tom Staley, the group’s original drummer. Mr. Ardolino later said that except for part of a day spent bagging groceries, playing drums was the only job he ever had.

It was not, however, his only noteworthy musical activity. He also produced several well-received compilations of song-poems, the strange vanity records on which amateur lyricists, for a fee, have their words set to music and recorded by professionals. Through his efforts and those of a few others, these vinyl oddities, few if any of which had ever been sold in stores, found an eager audience among aficionados of outsider art and other connoisseurs of the bizarre.

Explaining his fascination with song-poems to The New York Times in 2003, Mr. Ardolino said that while he liked their “craziness,” he also liked the fact that their often awkward lyrics were “really what people felt.”

Mr. Ardolino is survived by his wife, Keiko, from whom he was separated; a stepdaughter, Emiko; a stepson, Liku; and a brother, Richard.

NRBQ stopped performing in 2004 when the keyboardist Terry Adams, a founding member, became ill. For a while Mr. Ardolino and the other two members, the brothers Joey and Johnny Spampinato, toured under the name Baby Macaroni.

Mr. Adams introduced a new NRBQ last year with himself as the only holdover. Mr. Ardolino, no longer well enough to tour, played on two tracks of the group’s album “Keep This Love Goin’ ” and drew the cover art.

  
    

The Boston Molasses Disaster

In 1934's "It's A Gift", W.C. Fields closes his store "On Account of Molasses" 

Today is the 93rd Anniversary of "The Boston Molasses Disaster". Ths is not April 1st. This is not an April Fool's day gag! According to Wikipedia;

The Boston Molasses Disaster, also known as the Great Molasses Flood and the Great Boston Molasses Tragedy, occurred on January 15, 1919, in the North End neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts in the United States. A large molasses storage tank burst, and a wave of molasses rushed through the streets at an estimated 35 mph (56 km/h), killing 21 and injuring 150. The event has entered local folklore, and residents claim that on hot summer days, the area still smells of molasses

The disaster occurred at the Purity Distilling Company facility on January 15, 1919, an unusually warm day for January (40˚ F, 4.4˚ C). At the time, molasses was the standard sweetener in the United States. Molasses can also be fermented to produce rum and ethyl alcohol, the active ingredient in other alcoholic beverages and a key component in the manufacturing of munitions at the time.^[2] The stored molasses was awaiting transfer to the Purity plant situated between Willow Street and what is now named Evereteze Way
Near Keany Square,^[3] at 529 Commercial Street, a huge molasses tank 50 ft (15 m) tall, 90 ft (27 m) in diameter and containing as much as 2,300,000 US gal (8,700 m³) collapsed. Witnesses stated that as it collapsed, there was a loud rumbling sound, like a machine gun as the rivets shot out of the tank, and that the ground shook as if a train were passing by.^[4]
The collapse unleashed an immense wave of molasses between 8 and 15 ft (2.5 and 4.5 m) high, moving at 35 mph (56 km/h), and exerting a pressure of 2 ton/ft² (200 kPa).^[5] The molasses wave was of sufficient force to break the girders of the adjacent Boston Elevated Railway's Atlantic Avenue structure and lift a train off the tracks. Nearby, buildings were swept off their foundations and crushed. Several blocks were flooded to a depth of 2 to 3 feet (60 to 90 cm). As described by author Stephen Puleo:

Molasses, waist deep, covered the street and swirled and bubbled about the wreckage. Here and there struggled a form — whether it was animal or human being was impossible to tell. Only an upheaval, a thrashing about in the sticky mass, showed where any life was... Horses died like so many flies on sticky fly-paper. The more they struggled, the deeper in the mess they were ensnared. Human beings — men and women — suffered likewise.^[6]

The Boston Globe reported that people "were picked up by a rush of air and hurled many feet." Others had debris hurled at them from the rush of sweet-smelling air. A truck was picked up and hurled into Boston Harbor. Approximately 150 were injured; 21 people and several horses were killed — some were crushed and drowned by the molasses. The wounded included people, horses, and dogs; coughing fits became one of the most common ailments after the initial blast.

Anthony di Stasio, walking homeward with his sisters from the Michelangelo School, was picked up by the wave and carried, tumbling on its crest, almost as though he were surfing. Then he grounded and the molasses rolled him like a pebble as the wave diminished. He heard his mother call his name and couldn't answer, his throat was so clogged with the smothering goo. He passed out, then opened his eyes to find three of his sisters staring at him.^[1]

First to the scene were 116 cadets under the direction of Lieutenant Commander H. J. Copeland from USS Nantucket, a training ship of the Massachusetts Nautical School (which is now the Massachusetts Maritime Academy), that was docked nearby at the playground pier.^[3] They ran several blocks toward the accident. They worked to keep the curious from getting in the way of the rescuers while others entered into the knee-deep sticky mess to pull out the survivors. Soon the Boston Police, Red Cross, Army and other Navy personnel arrived. Some nurses from the Red Cross dove into the molasses, while others tended to the wounded, keeping them warm as well as keeping the exhausted workers fed. Many of these people worked through the night. The injured were so numerous that doctors and surgeons set up a makeshift hospital in a nearby building. Rescuers found it difficult to make their way through the syrup to help the victims. It took four days before they stopped searching for victims; many dead were so glazed over in molasses, they were hard to recognize.
The cleanup took only about two weeks because of the large number of helping hands.^{[citation needed]} It took over 87,000 man hours (roughly the number of hours in ten years) to remove the molasses from the cobblestone streets, theaters, businesses, automobiles, and homes.^[6] The harbor was still brown with molasses until summer.
United States Industrial Alcohol did not rebuild the tank. The property became a yard for the Boston Elevated Railway (predecessor to the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority), and is currently the site of a city-owned baseball field.
Local residents brought a class-action lawsuit, one of the first held in Massachusetts, against the United States Industrial Alcohol Company (USIA), which had bought Purity Distilling in 1917. In spite of the company's attempts to claim that the tank had been blown up by anarchists^[7] (because some of the alcohol produced was to be used in making munitions), a court-appointed auditor found USIA responsible after three years of hearings. United States Industrial Alcohol Company ultimately paid out $600,000 in out-of-court settlements (at least $6.6 million in 2005 dollars).^[8]
Several factors that occurred on that day and the previous days might have contributed to the disaster. The tank was constructed poorly and tested insufficiently. Due to fermentation occurring within the tank, carbon dioxide production might have raised the internal pressure. The rise in local temperatures that occurred over the previous day also would have assisted in building this pressure. Records show that the air temperature rose from 2°F to 41°F (from −17°C to 5°C) over that period. The failure occurred from a manhole cover near the base of the tank, and it is possible that a fatigue crack there grew to the point of criticality. The hoop stress is greatest near the base of a filled cylindrical tank. The tank had only been filled to capacity eight times since it was built a few years previously, putting the walls under an intermittent, cyclical load.
An inquiry after the disaster revealed that Arthur Jell, who oversaw the construction, neglected basic safety tests, such as filling the tank with water to check for leaks. When filled with molasses, the tank leaked so badly that it was painted brown to hide the leaks. Local residents collected leaked molasses for their homes.^[8]
An urban legend claims that the doomed tank might have been overfilled in late 1918 so that the owners could produce as much rum as possible before Prohibition came into effect. However, Purity Distilling did not make rum, but rather specialized in the production of industrial alcohol, which was exempt from the state prohibition laws in effect in 1919, and would later be exempted from the Volstead Act and other national Prohibition laws. While an urban legend, a 1999 television documentary, part of the Modern Marvels' Engineering Disasters sub-series, argued that—even if there was no specific plan to make alcohol to beat Prohibition—there may have been some general idea of increasing the volume at the last minute so as to prepare in case alcohol prohibition might occur.
The sites of the molasses tank and the North End Paving Company have been turned into a recreational complex, officially named Langone Park, featuring a Little League ballfield, a playground, and bocce courts.^[10] Immediately to the east is the larger Puopolo Park, with additional recreational facilities.^[11]
A small plaque at the entrance to Puopolo Park, placed by the Bostonian Society, commemorates the disaster.^[12] The plaque, entitled "Boston Molasses Flood", reads:

On January 15, 1919, a molasses tank at

529 Commercial Street

exploded under pressure, killing 21 people. A 40-foot wave of molasses buckled the elevated railroad tracks, crushed buildings and inundated the neighborhood. Structural defects in the tank combined with unseasonably warm temperatures contributed to the disaster.

Drivers on Boston's Old Town Trolley and other tour services often read off accounts of the accident to their passengers, sometimes referring to it by the neologism "The Boston Molassacre".

  

, in Cambridge.

Laurel & Hardy; The Essential Collection

          The first real blog of any substance I posted here was in May of last year. After praising all the great pop culture stuff that was scheduled to come out, I closed with the comment, “Now all we need is for someone to release a complete Laurel & Hardy box set and all the 30 minute episodes of SCTV, and we’ll pretty much have heaven here on earth pop culture wise.” Surprisingly, considering I was referring to films that are around 70 years old, I got one of my wishes granted rather quickly. In late October 2011 RHI Entertainment issued a great 10 DVD boxed set containing all the sound movies L&H made for Hal Roach Studios! That’s a whopping 32 hours and 21 minutes of uncannily warm-hearted slapstick catastrophes. Of course, I can’t recommend them highly enough.       

          I am going to quibble over one thing, though. The documentary with Dick Van Dyke, Jerry Lewis, Tim Conway & Penn & Teller is a nice testimony to L&H’s greatness, but it is not very informative and not very accurate. It is fun to hear Van Dyke & Lewis, who knew Stan personally, explain what a nice man he was. One anecdote related by Lewis bothered me, though.

           Yes, I am a total pedantic twerp, and I am going to suggest that I know better information about something than the guy who was actually there in the 1920’s is providing. Please humor me for a few paragraphs.

            Lewis states the way the Laurel and Hardy partnership was formed. Per Stan Laurel, Laurel saw the heavy, six foot two, baby-faced Oliver Hardy carrying a pipe across the Hal Roach Studio lot. It struck Laurel that this construction worker would be a perfect physical contrast to him, and for whom he would make a perfect comic foil. Stan allegedly asked Hardy if he would like to act with him in movies. Hardy set the pipe down and said something to the effect of, “It’s gotta be better than what I’m doing.” As the story goes, Hardy told Laurel he didn’t know the first thing about acting, but Stan told him, basically, “Just follow me, and you’ll be fine.” Of course, this gives Stan credit for discovering Ollie, and for teaching him everything he knew. This story does not appear in Randy Skretvedt’s exhaustive (also highly recommended) book “Laurel & Hardy; The Magic Behind the Movies”. Comedy people from the early days of show business are known for never letting the truth get in the way of a good story. (George Burns, Mack Sennett, Hal Roach, The Marx Brothers, and most notoriously W.C Fields are all examples of people who could propagate a wild, utterly false show biz story for its own sake.)

          The implication is that Ollie had no show biz experience or inclinations prior to appearing with Stan. Let’s face it, even a comic genius like Stan Laurel couldn’t have made Hardy THAT GREAT, THAT FAST. In reality, Oliver Hardy was a show business professional at the age of eight, singing in a group called Coburn’s Minstrels. He was gifted with a beautiful singing voice, as heard in a few (not nearly enough!) of the L&H films. His mother sent him to Atlanta, in their home state of Georgia to take voice lessens. He quickly started dodging class in favor of singing before slide show presentations at a local theater for 50cents a day. At 18 he began managing a movie theater and was appalled at how badly the silent movie actors acted. Convinced he couldn’t do worse, he moved to Jacksonville, Florida in 1913 to become an actor in the burgeoning film community there. Between 1914 and 1917 he acted in over 100 comedy shorts for the Lubin and Vim companies. His success was such that when he signed to Hal Roach Studios as a contract player, it warranted a press release that appeared in newspapers February 6, 1926, and is reproduced from a newspaper clipping in Skretvedt’s book. A similar clipping for Stan’s Roach signing of March 2, 1923 also appears. “Duck Soup” Laurel and Hardy’s first appearance together in a film did not occur until early 1927. They appeared together as a team in that film, then followed it with five more films in which they both appear, but rarely appear in any scenes together. When they do appear together in these films, it is as wise guy enemies, not as the sweet, dim-witted best friend characters we love them as. FINALLY, in the summer of 1927, in “Do Detectives Think?”, they become the “Laurel and Hardy characters” that would persevere through the ages.

            Okay, so 20,000 people will buy the DVDs and hear the untrue version, and three people who don’t care will learn the truth on my weblog. As Vivian Stanshall would say, “Life’s like that.”

            Anyway, BUY THESE DVDs! I believe these movies are as funny today as the day they were released. Funny is for eternity, and happily, Hardy was always wrong when he said, “This is no time for levity!”

                    

BONZO DOG (Doo-Dah) BAND

...and, in an unusually elegant mood, The Bonzo Dog (Doo-Dah) Band ask the musical question,"Hello Mabel".

Well, Hello Dalai

World's Weirdest Comics Pt. Deux

I’m calling this Part Deux, because it seems a bit overdeux. (ha ha)

HOW TO SHOOT Published 1952 by Remington Arms

Is your kid a loser? Is he convinced that all his classmates and his teachers hate him? Go ahead, make his day, -- buy him a .22 shotgun. The friendly old-timer who “hosts” the comic makes helpful suggestions ie; Hollow point bullets can practically obliterate objects as hard as cocoanut shells!

LOS NOVIOS #6 November 25, 1968

Nacho and his buddy Cheforo are internationally renowned body builders and under cover Mexican spies. Naïve Nacho falls for gorgeous Russian bikini model Olga Tigresova. He perceives her breasts as being mango-like. He kisses her while she’s wearing poison lip gloss. Will he die? Buy next week’s thrilling issue to find out! In “Colores sicodelicos!”

KONA #5 March 1963

Dr. Dodd and his family are castaways on an uncharted, monster infested island. They find their champion in the person of blond haired Tarzan type Konos. In this, the most bizarre issue, Konos battles Amsat, a 30 foot tall nuclear mutated kitten. This was before The Goodies “Kitten Kong” episode. This represented something of a break through in publishing as it was the first time a comic book ever depicted a man-eating pussy.

P.S. The Preventative Maintenance Monthly Published by the Dept of the Army.

This long-running Army publication used sexy cartoon girls and the comic book format to promote equipment maintenance. Several issues were produced by legendary creator of “The Spirit”, Will Eisner. By January 1972 it was already up to issue 230. Apparently it is still published, but with the US military now made up of 15% women, the cheesecake has gone by the wayside.

Body paint on the centerfold above includes the legends; “Twist commo switch gently”, “Over revving blows engines”, “Test that part – know before you throw”, “Gasoline is not for cleaning, “radio modules – put ‘em back” & “Pencil PM is a bummer”.

POGO by Walt Kelly 12/31/1949

Wouldn't it be great if the current media types would send out this type of message throughout 2012? In an election year, with divisiveness running rampant it'll never happen! SIGH!    

SO HOW BAD DID THEY SMELL?

"Stinky Mao Tse-tung"

collage by Bob Kronlage

          I believe there are certain things we all commonly think in the back of our minds, but they are too psychologically funky to mention. One of these that I frequently think while learning about various historical figures is, “How bad did he smell?”

          Now Jesus, for instance, lived in a time when “bathing” was common place. Rich people and poor people alike regularly (even daily) visited public baths which were more along the lines of swimming pools than bath tubs. While they may not have used hot water, soap and shampoo, let’s face it, a daily dip in the water is gonna do you a world of good, hygiene – wise. So there you have it – Jesus Christ – class act, good smell.

          His followers during the crusades for instance, did not fare so well. Knights in so –called “shining armor” had young attendants who would assist them in getting into their armor each day. There was no way to really drop the lower half of the armor when nature called, thus, the knight could really do nothing but just let ‘er rip when necessary. At the end of the day, the assistant would need to wash out the armor and wash off the legs of the knight with buckets full of whatever water was available.

           I heard a bizarre rumor about Chairman Mao’s bizarre sense of humor. Allegedly, he was very amused by burdening others with his intense, lengthily fermented body odor. He found it a laugh riot when others had to politely endure his eye – wateringly foul stench throughout marathon length government ceremonies. According to the rumor, he particularly enjoyed repulsing pretty young women with his overpowering pungency. Admittedly, the rumor is probably not true, considering I heard virtually the same story regarding North Korea’s recently deceased Kim Jong – il.    

          Ancient Egyptian athletes would clean themselves with oils – covering their bodies with it, before an assistant would scrape it back off using metal scrapers. The oil, and the athletes’ newly added bi-products would be saved in urns. The wealthy would then rub the stuff all over themselves, convinced that the concoction could transfer the essence of the athlete’s vitality to whoever anointed themselves with the stuff. The ancient Egyptians had not invented hair shampooing. (It makes sense that the ancient aliens couldn’t have taught them shampooing since, as we know, all alien greys are hairless.) Instead the Egyptians would shave their heads and wear wigs to remain lice free.

          When one sees movies about foppish characters of the Wolfgang A. Mozart variety, think of people wearing all those layers and layers of clothes in a time without washing machines and detergent. Although I digress, when I saw these types in movies frolicking around after all those women in outrageously low- cut bodices, I wondered how in the world all the sexually active women weren’t pregnant all the time! Turns out, the men used ram’s bladders for condoms. Casanova wrote lengthy homages in praise of the ram’s bladder’s convenience and effectiveness. 

          There is an old story that used to get passed around in offices on Xeroxes, but now gets disseminated on the internet. Allegedly families in the middle ages would bathe annually, all using the same tub of water. Babies were washed last, by which time the water would be pitch black with dirt, hence the warning (soon to become an old cliché) “Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.”    

            



Trending at number 1 -- ELLY MAY CLAMPETT?

I looked at Yahoo today and that's what it said! Had we entered some Bizarro alternate reality where people are actually interested in the celebrities I care about? Here's what its all about;
"Elly May Clampett" Actress Settles Suit Over Barbie Doll

NEW ORLEANS — The actress who played Elly May Clampett on the “The Beverly Hillbillies” has settled her lawsuit over a Barbie doll that uses the character’s name and likeness.

An attorney for actress Donna Douglas says she settled with CBS and toymaker Mattel this week. Douglas’ lawsuit had sought at least $75,000. Details of the settlement were confidential.

Douglas, 78, played the critter-loving tomboy for all nine seasons of the CBS comedy about a backwoods family that strikes oil and moves to Beverly Hills.

She claimed CBS Consumer Products Inc. and Mattel Inc. needed her approval for the Barbie. In court documents, CBS and Mattel said they didn’t need her OK because the network holds exclusive rights to the character.

Douglas, who lives in Louisiana and is now a gospel singer, was unavailable for comment. AP"

What five year old girl wouldn't simply be DYING to get her hands on an Elly May Barbie!? HIP & TRENDY! 

KAY MARTIN Best Album Cover Ever! 2.0 Upgrade!

BY FAR the most popular posting on this blog is “Kay Martin – Best Album Cover Ever!” It’s the cover of the album I Know What He Wants For Christmas... But I Don't Know How To Wrap It!. Considering the cover, I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am surprised, considering it contains NO INFORMATION AT ALL, except the cover. To give you what you want for Christmas, here is the Wikipedia entry on Ms. Martin:

“Kay Martin was a hotelier and ex-model, nightclub entertainer and "party album" singer, who owned the Kay Martin Lodge in Reno, Nevada.
Born in Bakersfield, California and part Cherokee Indian, modeling saw her featured in both Adam and Playboy magazines. She then met Jess Hotchkiss and Bill Elliott, who together established a nightclub act, billing themselves as "Kay Martin and Her Body Guards". The group later added Tony Bellson on drums, and Martin became married to Hotchkiss for a time as well.
In between shows they recorded several live albums, their most popular being the 1962 Christmas album I Know What He Wants For Christmas... But I Don't Know How To Wrap It!. The songs ranged from covers of traditional songs to double entendre and jokey banter.
Martin left performance for a business life, becoming proprietor of the Kay Martin Lodge with David Mullins in 1956, before passing away sometime between 2008-2011.”
Here is a link to A FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD of the album! http://thegroovegrotto.blogspot.com
Now that I have given you a link to a free download of a risqué novelty Christmas record, you can read the blog below and see that I am A TOTAL HYPOCRITE!
Anyway, MERRY X-MAS! (Let’s keep Christ’s good name out of this!)

   

HAVE A CORNY, CRASS, TACKY, SOULLESS CHRISTMAS YA REDNECK MORON!

The following CDs are currently available for your holiday listening. I don't believe in religion, but oddly enough, I see things like these that cheapen Christmas and they depress me. They also make me question if people have ANY minimum standard for humor. Let's laugh AT them, rather than WITH them, shall we?

LEFT Pull My Finger! Jingle Smells. includes; 12 Farts of Xmas, We Wish You A Smelly Xmas, Oh Gassy Tree, Soil the Halls
RIGHT Santa the Redneck. includes; We Wish You A Merry Mullet, O Come All Ye Shiners, Away in the Beer Keg

LEFT Rudy the Redbone Coon Hound includes; I Shot Christmas Dinner, No Shirt No Shoes No Santa, O Redneck Night
RIGHT 12 Redneck Days of Christmas includes Grandpa Shot Rudolph, Frosty the Beer Mug, Santa The Redneck, Rudy the Redbone Coon Hound

Rudy the Redneck Reindeer Volume 1&2 include; Rudoph Drank the Moonshine, 12 Redneck Days of Christmas

Bubba Claus Vol.1 & 2 (they didn't even bother to take a second photo of Bubba, they just reversed it)
include; Here Comes Bubba Claus, Maxin' Out Our Credit Once Again, Frosty the Beer Mug, We're Havin' Roadkill for Christmas Dinner, I Saw Momma Whippin' Bubba Claus, Up on the Outhouse, Bubba Claus got Rudolph Drunk Again.

LEFT Christmas At The Paradise Trailer Park Y'all. includes; Christmas Eve Warrant, Frosty the Redneck, Hark! Hear My Hemi Roar
RIGHT A Biker's Holiday. includes; Joy to the Hog, All I Want for Christmas is A New Tattoo, Oh! Chrome Intake, Hark! Hear My V-Twin Sing

LEFT If Toothpaste Tasted Like Christmas Dinner, I'd Have More Than One Tooth! includes; Christmas At Bubba's, Santa Ain't No Yankee, Bockin' Good Christmas
RIGHT Matt Roger's Rated X-Mas. The only songs on it NOT too filthy to list; Drunken Santa's Coming to Town, Frosty the Pervert, Have Yourself a 1-900 CHRISTMAS, Have a Pornographic Christmas

SERIOUSLY, remember Christ and his incredible contribution to history, spend quality time with your loved ones, and be SUPER - KIND to your fellow humans!


     

And now our feature presentation; MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER; DIABOLIK

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

          December 6^th 2011 saw the release of “The Simpsons Season 14” on DVD (YAY!) and the “Mystery Science Theater Volume XXII” DVD Box set. It was like Christmas came 19 days early.

          Apparently “The Simpsons” will be returning next year (YAY!) for their 25^th and final (BOO!) season, so I can procrastinate writing about them for a while.

          I’m really surprised how often I mention Mystery Science Theater 3000 to someone and they have never heard of it. Fans of the show have heard the basics 100 times, but I can’t resist chewing this well gnawed cabbage yet again.

          Joel Hodgson was such a great prop comic that it’s not even an insult to refer to him as a prop comic. He made several appearances doing his stand up routines on “Late Night with David Letterman” and “Saturday Night Live”. Disappointed at how quickly national television exposure eats up material, he returned home to his native Minnesota wanting to do regular TV to force himself to generate material on a regular basis.

          In 1988 he found KTMA-TV VHF. (There were still VHF stations in 1988 !?) The station had next to no money, but had a library of terrible movies they could broadcast for free. Joel hit on the sci-fi concept of a man shot into outer space and forced by mad scientists to watch the world’s worst movies as torture disguised as an experiment.

          Joel had been making robot sculptures built from various odds and ends found at thrift shops, and had been selling them at a local store. He was a fan of the Bruce Dern movie “Silent Runnings”, about a lonely astronaut who builds a pair of robots to keep him company. Hodgson built a pair of wise cracking robot puppets, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo, to help defend him in the assault of awfulness from the films. They would mercilessly heckle the films to perserve Joel's sanity.

          Inspired by an illustration from Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” album, Joel got the idea of having Joel, the ‘bots, and a row of theater seats appear as silhouettes in front of the movie screen. (Also reminiscent of gags in old Bugs Bunny cartoons.)   

          The show quickly established a tradition that almost all of the show’s characters were played by the show’s writers. (A few remaining characters were played by members of the technical crew.) Joel played Joel Robinson, referring to the space family Robinson of “Lost In Space”. Trace Beaulieu (every speller’s worst nightmare, and co-designer of the show’s elaborate and stylish sets) played the duel roles of Dr. Clayton Forester and Crow. Josh Weinstein played Dr. Larry Erhardt and the original voice of Servo. A third robot, the sweet and girly Gypsy was voiced in falsetto by various men, most notably producer Jim Malon.

         The show was picked up by Comedy Central in 1989. To their credit, the creators refused to leave Hopkins Minnesota, and always produced the show away from the prying of network execs. After the first season on Comedy Central (then known as The Comedy Channel) Weintsein quit. He was replaced by a new character, TV’s Frank played by Frank Conniff, and Servo now found his definitive voice, from the great Kevin Murphy. Although the movie heckling (called “riffing”) will always be the meat of the program, the show’s creators contributed highly original skits involving the show’s characters to lead in and out of the commercial breaks.

          The show’s most controversial change occurred in 1994, when Joel quit and was replaced by Mike Nelson. While Joel was sleepy-voiced and rather laconic, Nelson had a cheerier personality, and looked like a more conventional, wholesome, handsome TV show host. What many fans did not realize at the time was that Nelson was the show’s long – time head writer, and had been virtually unrecognizable playing dozens of parts in the shows skits through the years. Towards the end of the show’s Comedy Central run, Frank Conniff quit. Clayton’s comic foil was now his mother Pearl, played by the wonderful Mary Jo Pehl.

          In 1996, around the time the show was cancelled by Comedy Central, the shows’ creators, collectively known as Best Brains, got a deal with Universal Pictures for a feature film deal. The movie arose at an odd time in the show’s history, when Mike had not satisfactorily established himself as the show’s host, and Clayton had no comic partner to play off of. The movie did not expand the TV show’s parameters and was actually shorter than any of the TV episodes.

          In 1997, The Sci-Fi channel picked up MST3K (as it was relatively conveniently abbreviated). Personally, I think it was in the Sci-Fi Channel years that the show really hit its stride. Of course, Joel was the show’s mastermind—he created all the show’s tissue thin, yet somehow mysterious and believable “reality”, and came up with all the show’s ingenious concepts. There would never have been an MST3K without his creative genius. Kevin Murphy is right, however, when he says, “Mike Nelson is one of the six or seven funniest people in the world”. Also, I believe the show was at it’s funniest at the end, at least partly because they had done it for so long, they were now extreme pros at producing its style of humor. Trace Beaulieu had left the show, and Pearl was now the villain, accompanied by her stooges, Professor Bobo (Kevin Murphy) and Brain Guy, played by great newcomer Bill Corbett.

          The final produced show “Diabolik” made its broadcast debut August 08, 1999. “Merlyn’s Shop of Mystic Wonders”, produced earlier, became the last aired episode debuting September12, 1999. Its debut was delayed due to delays in clearing the rights to the film.

          AND THE REST… Two other important writer / performers on MST3K were Bridgette Jones (real – life wife of Mike Nelson) and Paul Chaplin, both of whom played several characters on the show, but somehow, never ended up in major recurring roles.

          Since the show’s cancellation, Hodgson, Beaulieu, Conniff, Pehl & Weinstein tour as Cinematic Titanic, screening movies and riffing on them live. Nelson, Murphy and Corbett created a series of DVDs under the name “The Film Crew”, which includes a riffed movie and wrap around skits that, oddly enough, are parodies of “Ask This Old House”. They also created something called “Riff Trax” which allows them to sync up their riffing with movies they could never get the rights to (ie; Star Wars)  

TOP 20 FAVORITES EPISODES

1) Diabolik That rare thing – the only movie they’ve done that I would enjoy watching without the MST3K treatment. It’s ultra groovy! – Never released on home video, but now it’s just a slide and a click away!

2) Manos (the Hand of Fate) The Essentials 2 DVD Set

3) Santa Clause Conquers the Martians The Essentials 2 DVD Set

4) Pod People MST3K Collection Volume 2

5) Sidehackers MST3K Collection Volume 3

6) Overdrawn at the Memory Bank MST3K Collection Volume 4

7) Space Mutiny MST3K Collection Volume 4

8) Boggy Creek II; and the Legend Continues MST3K Collection Volume 5

9) Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders MST3K Collection Volume 5

10) Time Chasers MST3K Collection Volume 5

11) The Touch of Satan MST3K Collection Volume 5

12) Hobgoblins MST3K Collection Volume 8

13) The Giant Spider Invasion MST3K Collection Volume 10

14) Ring of Terror MST3K Collection Volume 11

15) Parts: The Clonus Horror MST3K Collection Volume 12

16) Future Wars 20^th Anniversary Collection

17) Werewolf 20^th Anniversary Collection

18)  Soultaker MST3K Collection Volume XIV

19) Warrior from the Lost World MST3K Collection Volume XVI

20) Crash of the Moons MST3K Collection Volume XVIII                       

KOZMO is international sensation!

                                                          copyright 2011 Bob Kronlage   

Since it debuted in April, www.kozmoofthecosmos.com home of the comic strip Kozmo of the Cosmos, has been viewed by fans in The U.S., Spain, Russian Federation, Argentina, Germany, Egypt, The Czech Republic, Great Britain, Canada, Columbia, Thailand, China, Puerto Rico, The Netherlands, Italy, Bosnia – Herzegovina, Sri – Lanka, Portugal, Peru, Israel, The Philippines, Poland, India, Malaysia, and The Ukraine.

Don’t be the last person in the world to check it out!      

I KNOW TV WILL CONTINUE TO GET WORSE -- BUT HOW?

(photocollage by Bob Kronlage)

Consider some of the “gems” currently brightening and enriching our viewing lives;

1) Sons of Guns

“Reality” show about an all - American family who make their living by transforming your ordinary gun into a super-powered assault weapon.

2) American Guns

“Reality” show about an all - American family who make their living by transforming your ordinary gun into a super-powered assault weapon.

3) Lady Hoggers

A pair of hot ladies hunt wild boar, but mainly with the assistance of a man. (Not to be confused with American Hoggers)

4) Swamp People I don’t care how many of them there are, there ain’t a full set of teeth between ‘em!

5) Hillbilly Hand Fishing Like “Swamp People” without the swamp.

6) Maury Daily public paternity testing. Typical Episode “My mom’s boyfriend got me pregnant!” Is she lying? Only the test knows for sure.

7) The Family Guy Total Simpsons rip-off, only really degrading and hateful. Some typical episodes; The dad is proud to learn his wife has had sex with all 4 members of KISS. The dad sells his daughter into prostitution for beer money. Typical gags: Dad calls his daughter close to him so he can wipe a booger on her. Despite her protests, dad forces his wife to stand on a rickety balcony he has just built. It collapses leaving her in a crumpled heap with obviously broken bones. Dad’s punch line, “HA! Lois, you’re such a drunk!”  Lots of room for making fun of the physically and mentally disabled and gays with AIDS. Oh yes, then there's the "hilarious" elderly child - molester next door. The broadcast equivalent of sticking a finger down your throat.

8) Toddlers and Tiaras Little girls aged 5 and under get professional make-up and wear sexy outfits to compete in beauty pageants.

9) Outdoor Network The network that realizes you can only fully appreciate the outdoors if you’re killing animals while you’re out there. ‘Round the clock hunting shows! Example Crush with Lee and Tiffany “Young outdoor couple hunts for white tail deer in Eastern Iowa.”

10) American Moonshiners The extremely covert, illegal activity of moonshining, with all it’s perpetrators now starring on national TV!

11) E! or the 24 hour Kardashians channel.

12) I’m 16 and Pregnant Way to get your own MTV show, girl!

13) MSNBC’s Weekend Prison Programming Nothing but reality shows about people in prison ALL WEEKEND LONG!

14) Green Screen Adventures So-bad-it’s –unwatchable kids show, badly acted by embarrassingly unfunny “actors” in moronic costumes and performing in obnoxiously stupid voices – and doing so as if they think they are being extremely clever. Also, it appears to be VERY POORLY DUBBED from another language. Runs about 3 hours weekend mornings on ME-TV.

15) Mad Money with Jim Cramer For an hour each week night, the world’s most obnoxious, hyperactive idiot hollers at you because he instinctively knows you are too stupid to understand how brilliant and fascinating he is.

16) Ancient Aliens Hours and hours of imagined “evidence” to justify the theory that our ancient ancestors were too stupid and unimaginative to accomplish anything without the intervention of space aliens. I happened to catch the following priceless tid-bit; Even current scientists cannot graft a monkey head onto a human being, yet ancient Egyptians depict human beings with dog heads in their art. Therefore they must have met space aliens who had mastered dog head to human transplants!